Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
