the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
