It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
