Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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