oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
