you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
