i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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