So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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