ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
