That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
