Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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