I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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