He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
