I look better un-naked...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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