I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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