Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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