Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
