Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
