Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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