You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
