On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
