He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
