Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
