Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
