fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't deserve a penis
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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