just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
