It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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