Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
