you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
