let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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