Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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