I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
