we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
