I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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