i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
