My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
