So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
