Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
