dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
