im so drunk with asians
where?
always
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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