ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
