I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
