Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
