Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
