i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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