Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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