You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
