I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
