She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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