He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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