um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
