Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
