Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
